So it is 1 in the morning...Monday morning. Spring break is officially over and today I shall be heading back to school and I think I could cry.

Spring break has been glorious (aside from a huge wave of missing my sempai and the requisite 2 sick days that accompany any break starting for me). But now as the wee hours of the morning roll around I am again faced with school crap. The pain of the day is a lab report due in approximately 18 hours. I have thus far managed to write an awe inspiring 5 lines (for those of you not familiar with these sort of upper division lab reports if it comes in at under 10 pages when finished I'll be surprised).

Now you might ask, "What the hell are you doing sitting on LJ when you have ridiculous amounts of work to do?!", and you would be right. These lab reports take hours, I should be writing. But there in lies the problem...I have been writing, or at least attempting to, for the past 6 hours. I simply can't force myself to do it.

I am in my last semester. I now hate chemistry and if I never see another volumetric flask after tomorrow (this is actually possible!) I will be thrilled. But for all that hatred I have always previously been able to motivate myself to finish with an "Eyes on the prize" mentality towards graduation. Increasingly though even that is not enough.

I have been bumming around doing some teaching and waiting to hear back from JET to see if they will send me over to Japan. I think it is the limbo of waiting to hear from them that is fostering some of this burnout (really, who needs a friggen month to talk about 15 minute interview *sigh*). Waiting on JET is putting me in a weird place mentally. I can't apply to law school, I can't in good faith even look for a job in America. I am basically just spending my time waiting and waiting.

In my life I have always fostered a sense of well-being. Everything will work out for me...I mean how could it not? I am intelligent and happy and people seem to like me and trust me irrationally quickly (writing me blank checks before you have even met me in person....wow). But now everything is coming to a make or break point. I am finally having to wait on other people and I have no back up plans. If I don't get sent to Japan I have no idea what I am going to do, and that frightens me on a level I can't even begin to explain.

So in the midst of this Massive Scary Waiting period I am expected to read about American history and write about the adsorption of gases...and I can't bring myself to care. The logical portion of my brain is screaming that if I don't do this I won't graduate and then it won't matter what JET thinks, I won't be able to go to Japan.

Ahh, the indulgence of being emo. I shall cease this pointless rambling for now and return to the pointless writing of a lab report. Hopefully this burnout will pass soon enough. I think all I really need is a good night of drinking and someone hot to make out with in a corner for a couple hours. Maybe Friday...for now my unforgiving mistress is science of the boring variety.

Hello strange people who are bothering to read this. I must confess I have nothing to say. Mostly I'm making this journal (for the time being at least) so that I can post on other peoples' livejournals and not be one the the dreaded "anonymous" masses. Anyways more updates will follow as the dreaded School ends and Relyna Goes To Japan 2.0 looms closer!